Money can be a tricky topic in any relationship. Add holiday shopping, travel, gifts, gatherings and end-of-year expenses to the mix, and it can be even harder to stay on the same page.
But talking about money with your partner doesn't have to mean having a serious, sit-down "money meeting." A few honest conversations throughout the year can help you understand your priorities as a couple (or a family) and work toward your goals together.
Here are a few ways to get the conversation started.
Start with your financial goals.
Before you dive into the details of everyday spending, talk about the bigger picture.
What are you working towards together? Maybe you're saving for a home, paying down debt, building an emergency fund or planning a vacation. You may have individual goals, too, like setting aside money for a hobby.
Your goals don't have to be the same. The important thing is understanding what's important to each of you and finding ways to support those priorities as a team.
Talk about holiday spending before you start shopping.
The holidays can make it easy to spend more than you planned. Before shopping begins, talk with your partner about what you want the season to look like financially.
Consider questions like:
How much do we want to spend on gifts?
Who are we buying for?
Are there travel or hosting expenses we need to plan for?
Do we want to set aside money for charitable giving?
Are there purchases we can skip or scale back on this year?
How will we pay for our holiday spending?
Having the conversation ahead of time can make it easier to stick to your plan and avoid an uncomfortable conversation when the credit card bill arrives.
Be honest about your money habits.
You and your partner may approach money very differently. For instance, one of you might love making a detailed budget while the other may prefer to keep things simple. One might be a natural saver, while the other is more likely to spend on experiences.
It’s important to talk openly about how you each think about spending and saving. Understanding where those habits come from can make it easier to find a system that works for both of you.
When you're making spending decisions, a simple question can help: Is this something we need, or something we want? That doesn't mean you can't spend money on things you enjoy. It simply gives you an opportunity to decide whether a purchase fits into your bigger financial picture.
Discuss your money concerns.
Money can bring plenty of emotions. Maybe you're worried about spending too much, carrying debt, not saving enough or being prepared for an unexpected expense.
Whatever is on your mind, talk about it.
Being honest about financial concerns gives you and your partner an opportunity to work through them together instead of letting them build up. You may even find that you're both worried about the same thing.
Decide how you'll handle spending together.
Every couple handles their finances differently. Some combine everything, some keep certain accounts separate and others use a combination of the two.
There isn't one system that works for everyone.
What matters is that you both understand how you handle shared expenses and what you expect from each other. This is especially important during seasons when spending tends to increase, like the holidays.
A quick conversation about your budget, spending limits and upcoming expenses can help prevent surprises and keep everyone on the same page.
Make money conversations a habit.
You don't have to wait for a major financial decision or a holiday shopping spree to talk about money.
Make checking in with each other a regular part of your routine. You might spend a few minutes reviewing your budget each month, talking about upcoming expenses or checking in on a savings goal. And remember to celebrate the wins, too. Paid off a credit card? Hit a savings milestone? Stayed within your holiday budget? Those moments are worth recognizing.
Money is part of everyday life, and talking about it should be, too.
Talk regularly.
Whether you recap with a lengthy discussion at the end of the month or casually chat about money from time to time, make sure you consistently communicate with one another about spending and savings expectations. Bring up your goals regularly to see if you are on track.
We have a bunch of additional resources that can help.